Here’s the truth… I’m an anxious person. I never even realized it until one day somebody pointed it out to me – You have an anxiety problem. And all of a sudden, my world made total sense. It even runs in my family. I don’t mean anxious as in having a nervous tick in my left eyelid and physically not being able to speak in social situations. There’s nothing wrong with me, I just am a little high-strung or sensitive about things that don’t bother other people.
For instance, it’s 3:30am and normally I would be asleep, but I’m awake because tomorrow is the first day of my junior year of college and I can’t sleep. Because of my anxiety… I have trouble making friends. I get a stutter when I’m nervous. I apologize way too much. I feel like I have to cry/sometimes actually do cry when I have to confront authority figures. My stomach churns for hours when something is bothering me, or even if I’m excited about something. Sometimes I’ll even replay events over and over again in my mind because they bother me – in hindsight maybe I would’ve made different choices/said different things, so to make myself feel better I go through every single possible change I could have made to the situation and what the new outcomes would have been.
Usually, I try to hide this part of me, because I know it’s not “normal”.
But right now I’m staring at the clock realizing I have to wake up in less than 4 hours, begging my mind to let me fall asleep… and I can’t because I’m an anxious person. I just wanted you to know this about me because, right now, you’re all I have.